On Gossips, Meddlers and Busybodies
Rev Brian Abshire
There is a sin, so destructive that it rips apart families, destroys
friendships and decimates entire covenant communities. There is a sin,
so reprehensible, that God associates it with the worst sorts of
wickedness. There is a sin, so heinous, that God gives only the most
epistemologically self-conscious reprobates over to it. There is a sin
so pervasive that it is gleefully practiced in every evangelical
congregation in America. That horrible, filthy, and monstrous sin is
being sticking your nose where it does not belong.
Now, of all the great temptations afflicting the modern evangelical
church, heresies, faithlessness, idolatry, false worship, being a
busybody SEEMS as if it is a minor kind of sin. After all, everyone
does it, including pastors and elders (and most notoriously, pastors
and elders wives). Yet, unlawfully meddling in other people's affairs
is in fact condemned with the harshest sort of language in Scripture.
Consider for example Peter's statement in 1 Peter 4:15 where he
says, "by no means let any of you suffer as a murderer or
thief or evildoer or a troublesome meddler"
Do you not find it interesting that in a list of sins which include
murder, theft and general "evil doing," Peter tacks on
"troublesome meddler?". In other words, he is equating a person who
unlawfully involves himself in some one else's affairs with the most
extreme forms wickedness!
The context of the 1 Peter passage is suffering; the list above are all
reasons NOT to suffer. In the very next passage, Peter says that if
someone does have to suffer, let him suffer "as a Christian."
Did you get that? If you suffer for being a murderer, thief, evildoer
or troublesome meddler, in effect, you are NOT a Christian!
In 2 Timothy 3:3, when warning of coming apostasy, Paul says, "For men
will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers,
disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable,
malicious gossips, without self control, brutal, haters of good,
treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers
of God, holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its
power; avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into
households and captivate weak women" . Please notice that in this
horrendous list of terrible sins, sins that are a sign of the worst
sorts of moral apostasy, Paul includes malicious gossips and warns of
men who unlawfully enter households to take advantage of weak women.
Finally, look at what Paul says about the consistently reprobate in
Romans 1:29; "being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed,
evil, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips.".
Again, we have a divinely inspired Apostle creating a ghastly list of
horrendous sins as representing the epitome of "all
unrighteousness" and "wickedness". And at the end, he says
they are gossips. God says through the Apostle Paul that gossips are
equated with every other pernicious evil.
And of course there are other passages that deal with the same problem;
Proverbs 20:19, Titus 2:3, 2 Corinthians 12:20, and 2 Thessalonians
3:11, etc. all of which state that unlawfully meddling in someone
else's business is a sign of wickedness, godlessness and an
unregenerate heart.
Clearly, Christians need to rethink the "peccadillo" of gossip and
meddling; apparently, God thinks these sins are far more serious, far
more deadly and far worse than does the average believer.
Now some may object that I am including gossip with being a busybody;
and it is true that they are in fact distinct. However, both stem from
the same basic problem; an ungodly desire to usurp dominion over
another person's life; in other words they are distinct symptoms of the
same disease. "Meddling" is directly attempting to influence or control
a person; literally "prying into another's affairs".
It is involving one's self in matters that are literally,
"none of your business". Yet, gossip is also unlawfully being
involved in another person's affairs by sharing negative information to
people who are not a part of the problem or a part of the solution. God
forbids it, not just because it is hurtful to another, but because it
is none of the gossip's business, he has no lawful right to
talk about "the problem" and he has no right to involve other
people in it either.
Meddling and Original Sin
Some may wonder what the difference is between LAWFUL involvement in
another's life and being a "busybody", unlawfully "meddling.". To
answer that question requires us to take a step back for a moment and
discuss the nature of sin itself. All sins are violations of God's
Moral Law; this is basic Christian theology. However, what many
Christians have not considered is the fundamental sin that gives rise
to every other sin; the sin of Adam in the Garden. When Adam ate from
the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, he was not just breaking
some legalistic rule God had set up; instead, he wanted to be AS God,
knowing good and evil for himself. Thus, the first sin was idolatry; an
attempt to usurp the privilege of God and to BE God, determining good
and evil based on his own criteria.
Original sin was not just stealing a piece of fruit from a tree; nor
breaking an arbitrary rule but committing a revolutionary act whereby
Adam wanted to become a god in his own right. Adam committed a huge
sin, blaspheming the nature of God by trying to take to himself the
attributes of God. And every human sin, in some way or another, can be
traced back to this sinful orientation inherited from Adam. Every time
a man sins, he does so because he wants what HE wants, rather than what
God wants. Sinful men want to call evil "good" and good
"evil"; just look at our modern culture embracing
fornication, adultery and sodomy and persecuting those who refuse to
accept these "alternative" lifestyles. All the great kings
and emperors of history attempted unlawful dominion over others to
glorify their own names; remember when God had to put Nebuchadnezzar in
his place for self-exaltation?
Each and every one of the Ten Commandments are prohibitions of sinful
desires to be as God; to worship as one pleases rather than as God
wills, to rebel against lawful authority that God has established, to
take the life, wife, property or reputation of others because WE want
what WE want, when we want it. Never mind for a moment the pragmatic
arguments for the superiority of the Moral Law as a social and legal
code (and of course it certainly IS a superior way to live); God in the
Ten Commandments shows how our sinful orientation opposes His will
because we want to BE God.
Now, when Christ through His Spirit enters a sinful heart and breathes
new life into it, giving a man the ability to understand and receive
the gospel, that basic, sinful orientation is changed. Rather than
being enemies of God seeking to dethrone Him and replace His authority
with our own, now we become "sons of God" and want to live in humble
submission to Him. However, the process of working out that salvation
in fear and trembling takes a lifetime; in fact, though we do not have
time to discuss this here I would argue that it takes multiple
generations for sanctification to work itself out in every aspect of a
culture. Here though we need only note that though our basic
orientation is changed, every one of us needs to learn HOW to bring
every area of life into submission to King Jesus.
And that is where the problem comes in; for though our heart has been
changed, often our thinking, priorities and values have not yet been
sanctified. And therefore, even though forgiven and restored to a
proper relationship with God, many of us will struggle with this old
sinful desire to be as God, determining good and evil based on our own
subjective standards.
And one way that many of us will struggle is the temptation to take
unlawful dominion over others. This is the basic motivation of the
gossip, busybody or meddler. They are not satisfied with living their
own lives or dealing with their own problems, but they want to involve
themselves with the lives of others, criticizing, judging, condemning,
finding fault, etc. Now, maybe there is some psychological problem here
that adds "fuel to the fire" in that some of us learn how to get the
heat off ourselves by lighting other people on fire. I have certainly
met a lot of people during the past thirty-three years of being a
Christian who were so busy "taking the splinter" out of other people's
eyes that they never seemed to notice the huge logs sticking out of
their own!
Whatever the reason, spiritual or psychological, a lot of Christians
seem to get upset, angry, bitter, frustrated or depressed because they
are unlawfully concerned with what is happening in other people's
lives. If the object of their meddling will not submit to their
unlawful attempt at dominion, they will then use gossip and slander to
ruin the person's reputation with others. Oh, all this is often couched
in the most "spiritual" of terms because the meddler "really"
has the best interests of the other person at heart. Thus they may want
to "share a prayer request" for "poor brother So and So."; But at
heart, they want the other person to SUBMIT to them; and they can be
quite vicious if they do not get their way.
Lawful vs. Unlawful Involvement
Now, someone is bound to ask here that as Christians, bound together by
the Holy Spirit into one spiritual temple, are we not supposed to be
involved in each other's lives? Well, the short answer is "yes and no"
or better yet, "what do you mean by ‘involved?".
There are many exhortations, encouragements and commands for Christians
to love each other, stand by each other, speak the truth in love for
one another and even to correct, rebuke and admonish one another (e.g.,
Col 3:16). So clearly, if a brother is in sin, then we have a moral
responsibility for his own spiritual welfare, to speak to him (to HIM,
privately, not anyone else Matt 18:15ff) seeking to win him from his
folly.
However, believe it or not, the problem we are discussing is not
confronting sin, but rather that a busybody applies his own subjective
values, priorities or beliefs to another. There are many things in
Scripture that are left to personal discretion and no one is to judge
another one way or the other. For example, in Romans 14, the Apostle
Paul specifically addresses a first century problem that threatened to
cause schism between Jewish and Gentile Christians; whether or not it
was proper to eat meat sacrificed to idols. The Jews held a very
sincere belief that it was WRONG; the Gentiles knew that some pagan
priest muttering a prayer to some non-existent god didn't change the
fact that meat was just meat! Paul actually sides theologically with
the Gentiles but he does not rebuke the Jews for their sincere but
mistaken belief. Instead, he told the Gentiles to stop feeling so smug
and superior and not to use their liberty in Christ to cause their
Jewish brothers to do something that went against their conscience.
Today of course, this particular controversy is irrelevant; at least I
have not heard of anyone having a "crises of conscience" over whether
some pagan had prayed over his sirloin before he threw it on the grill.
But the principle remains; there are many issues that God has left to
individual conscience and we are free to make decisions in these areas;
decisions that NO ONE here on earth has the right to judge or criticize.
But the busybody will have none of that. He will judge another, cast
doubts on the person's maturity, integrity, and character just because
that person does something that does not meet the meddler's approval.
The meddler may be upset because the other person watches TV programs
he does not find "edifying", or read something other than
super-spiritual theology. He may allow his children to play sports (or
may not allow his kids to play sports). He may not maintain his house
the way the meddler thinks it should be maintained (either being too
finicky or too lax). In other words, the busybody wants to force others
to live the way that HE thinks is good, wise and proper.
The fact that occasionally (in my experience, rarely) the busybody may
actually be RIGHT does not justify his meddling. Sure, if the other guy
had your brains, your talent, and your life experience, he just might
dress, act and work, JUST LIKE YOU! But you know, he is not you - he is
the person God providentially created. And if the Lord did not declare
something to be a part of His Moral Law, then no one has the right to
tell other people how to live their lives.
Hence, there is often a tremendous sense of arrogance amongst meddlers;
even the most super-spiritual, "kindly" ones. They do not seem to
understand or appreciate that people are DIFFERENT, with different
backgrounds, basic abilities and life experiences. Not everyone can do
what you can do; not everyone is always going to be as smart as you
are, as talented, as motivated, as diligent or as disciplined because
they are DIFFERENT! And since only God can read the hidden recesses of
the human heart, only HE can judge whether a person has been faithfully
discharging his responsibilities before God. Sometimes I wonder if the
meddlers, even the best intentioned ones, understand that other people
may not achieve their level of "success" in life for a number
of legitimate reasons that exist solely in God's providence. Sometimes,
I am amazed at how blind some meddlers can be to their own
short-comings as parents, Christians and friends (the worst sort of
busybodies seem oblivious to their own sins; but that's going back to
splinters and logs again).
The Lawful Limits of Authority
God as the sovereign King of Creation delegates authority to certain
spheres; family, church and state. Tyranny occurs whenever one sphere
attempts to unlawfully involve itself in the legitimate activities of
another sphere. The family does not run the church; and the church is
supposed to teach, but not run the family. The State has a duty to act
as an avenger of evil but may not dictate to the church or the family.
Of course in this wicked, modern world, the State has unlawfully
attempted to tyrannize both the church and the family; but most of us
Reformed Christians have been speaking out against that for years.
What we have not been so good at declaring is that the same sphere
sovereignty works within our communities and our relationships. One man
may no more lawfully involve himself in the household affairs of
another, than one State can dictate terms to a neighboring State; or
one church dictate how another church may worship.
"But wait", I can hear someone objecting, "In the church we are
supposed to be a body, interdependent and needing each other. We even
take solemn vows of membership that require us to help one another!
" Yes, all that is true; but it still does not give anyone
the right to dictate how someone else lives his life unless there is
sin.
Meddlers jump in and want to tell other people how to raise their
children, treat their wives, use their finances, determine their
calling, etc. You think I am being extreme? I know specific ministries
full of dedicated, motivated Christians who are CONVINCED that they
know what colour your house should be painted, what model and make of
car you should drive and even the proper, "spiritual" colour of socks
you should wear!
In the same way, I have met numerous people over the years who want to
dictate the kinds of decisions others should make. I have
received many phone calls from meddlers who are concerned about someone
making a decision of which they disapprove. Furthermore, they
want me to use the authority inherent in the Session, to make these
others change their minds. The issues can be as diverse as
which college another person's child should attend, or what kind of
major he should have, or whether or not a particular young man or woman
is a suitable mate. I have had busybodies calling me asking
me to tell certain other people that they need to change jobs or even
careers, sell their homes, and yes, even "So and So needs to get his
lawn in order!".
And each time one of these calls comes in, I have to patiently explain
to the caller that really, it is none of their business. Now, this has
to be done gently and tactfully, but with firmness. There may be a fine
line between legitimate concern over the welfare of a brother or sister
in Christ and unlawful meddling; but the line does exist and those who
tread over it are showing something unsavoury about their own spiritual
character.
Now granted, brothers and sisters in Christ may lawfully discuss their
problems, challenges, and difficulties in life requesting and receiving
advice and counsel. Solomon is clear that only a fool refuses to seek
wisdom and counsel from his brothers. However, in this case, the other
party INVITES their brother's input. Furthermore, while a
godly man will ASK advice from others, he is simply not required to
TAKE that advice, no matter how "wise" we think our counsel may be. He
is NOT a "fool" simply because he does not follow our advice; perhaps
we did not really understand the situation, or properly apply the
relevant Biblical principles. How arrogant to think that WE have the
"right" answer?
Gossips, Busybodies and Personal Responsibility
In the average church, meddlers can usually be discerned because they
are gossips; they love to criticize the way that other people live
their lives. They may or may not actually TALK to the people involved;
but every facet of another person's life is open to their criticism,
objection and judgment. Furthermore, almost NEVER are their
"observations" based on the objective standards of the Moral Law;
instead, these people had the audacity to simply do things differently
than the meddlers.
Take for example domestic duties; a godly man will seek to bring manage
his own household well, having his children under control with a wife
who respects and submits to his leadership. OK, fair enough, these are
ideals that presumably all of us are committed to emulating. However,
the meddler will often criticize other households, equally committed to
these SAME ideals, but who simply work them out in different ways. No,
the way another family does things may not be YOUR way; but is it
necessarily wrong? I have learned over the years that some of
the people for whom I had the greatest reserve in the way they raised
their children, ended up with godly kids DESPITE my misgiving. Some
couples have the kind of relationship I would find personally
intolerable, but you know, it seems to work for them! In some cases, my
assessment might have been right; sometimes it may have been wrong.
Either way, unless there was sin involved, it was and is NONE OF MY
BUSINESS. Yet meddlers are perfectly willing to see themselves as
having everything together and therefore qualified to point the finger
at anyone and everyone who dares do things differently. As a pastor,
and visiting these people and seeing just how they DO manage their own
households, I often have to bite my tongue from expressing some serious
concerns of my own.
There is a difference between someone coming to a brother in Christ and
asking counsel and advice; something that ought to be a common part of
Christian fellowship. Hopefully, God will gift the average church with
wise men and women who have learned how to apply Biblical principles in
their own life and experience and they can pass that wisdom on.
However, unless there is a violation of the Moral Law, advice is just
that; advice. It has no authority to compel another's actions; each of
us, ultimately stands before God responsible and accountable for how we
lived our lives, the decisions we made, and why we made them. Advice
can be helpful and accepted, or a person may decide that it is NOT
helpful, and therefore lawfully rejected.
Granted, over the years I have met a number of Christians who did not
seem to know how to use their liberty in Christ wisely and productively
for the Kingdom. Some in fact, had a "slave"; mentality where in one
sense, they really would have been better off with someone else making
their decisions for them. But self-government is the most basic form of
sanctification; the ONLY people who are given specific responsibility
for others, outside of the family, are elders who "watch over souls"
(Heb 13:17). But even the Session of a local church has
authority ONLY to preach and teach the truth and discipline according
to the Moral Law. No Pastor, elder, Presbytery or General Assembly has
the authority to bind people's consciences where God has granted
liberty, or require things of men that God has left to conscience.
Think about this, God thinks SO highly of family authority that godly
women are not allowed even to ask questions of their own elders! That's
right, if a woman wants to understand something said in church, she
must ask her OWN husband (1 Cor 14:34-36)! God protects the legitimate
authority of the family even from the very people He established to
"watch over our souls." So if God Himself did not give even
His Church the lawful authority to interfere with the bonds of family
sovereignity, He certainly does not grant it to meddlers and busybodies.
Conclusion
Meddlers are a boil on the body of Christ causing conflicts, divisions
and destroying relationships because of their criticism and gossip.
Despite all their rhetoric about their concern for the welfare of
others, in reality, the fundamental motivation is the same that brought
death and destruction into Creation.; wanting to be as God determining
good and evil for themselves, and others. Christians need to learn to
stay out of the affairs of others UNLESS there is some clear violation
of the Moral Law; and even then, they need to stop gossiping and
actually follow Matthew 18:15 to resolve the problem.
Right now, Christian piety is at an all time low since the darkest age
of medieval superstition. While the Christian church is growing
exponentially across the world, our actual spirituality is being
destroyed by counterfeit experiences, comfortable conformism or
intellectual irrelevance. I may be wrong, but I believe that God has
NOT given us more dominion in the world, because we have not yet
learned how to properly exercise godly dominion in the spheres of life
already entrusted to us. We either take too little or two much; either
way, we are not yet ready for broader dominion in the world.
Jesus said that we would be known as His disciples if we had love for
one another; and that love has always been the very foundation of true
Christian victory in the world. Certainly one aspect of that love
requires us to respect the limits that God Himself placed on every
human institution. Meddlers and busybodies are arrogant and prideful,
the very antithesis of Christian self-sacrificial love. They are in
YOUR church, talking to YOUR friends, and probably even to YOUR elders.
And every time they open their mouths, they spread poison, dissent, and
division.
Obviously, the first step is learning to shut our own mouths and to
stop talking about others. Genuine Christian concern for another means
going to THEM and standing along side being willing to help, if God
gives grace. There is almost NEVER any reason to share ANY negative
information to ANYONE about another person's problems, trials or
difficulties. Just learning to guard our own lips could revolutionize
the fellowship of the average church, literally over night.
However, that will not solve the problem of the meddlers. They can only
be stopped if the rest of us REFUSE to listen to them. Meddlers are
bullies, who have gotten away with their tyranny because they
intimidate other people. However, one of the most basic ways of dealing
with a bully is simply to stand up to them and show that YOU won't back
down. In the same way, all it would take to stop the meddlers in their
tracks is a few hardy souls saying "No, that is gossip; that is
certainly none of my business and it is none of yours!" If
enough Christians just had the moral courage to take a stand on this
one issue, I believe we would see one of the greatest revivals in
history. The gossips, slanderers, meddlers and busybodies would get
upset, angry, embittered but eventually fed up and leave. If they were
truly believers (just unsanctified in this area) then they would
repent, and be changed. If in fact they were wolves masquerading as
sheep, then the constant correction of the godly would drive them out
of the fold.
When the meddlers leave, the whole spirit of the church changes;
problems that once seemed insurmountable are laughed off with a
recognition that we all sin, we all fall short, and we all need
forgiveness. Bitterness, envy and jealousy fade away as the fires burn
out, with no one constantly fueling them. Factions, divisions and
schisms disappear. People begin to open up and become vulnerable with
one another because they no longer fear that any sign of weakness or
imperfection will become ammunition for the gossips. Christians
actually start confessing their sins to one another in humility; and
kindness, gentleness and true Biblical love becomes the norm. And all
it takes is for the righteous simply to refuse to listen to sin!
http://christian-civilization.org/articles/christian-rant-its-none-of-your-business/
